It’s after midnight and I still find myself at my computer unable to compose a proper topic on which to write about for my scheduled post tomorrow.
What’s funny is that even as I type this out, I’m still unsure of the direction this post will go. But I’ve learned throughout this writing process that sometimes you just have to work through that mental block.
But is it smart to do so every time?
A combination of longer work hours, lack of sleep, and still being very active physically when it comes to staying healthy and exercising have begun to take a toll. It’s not something I’m hypothesizing either. I can feel myself dragging in the morning, pulling myself from bed, mentally coaxing my body to cooperate with my sluggish mind. But it’s hard to compare my day job and my reality with my hobby and passion that I do simply for the love. One of them is absolutely needed. I like electricity in my house. I enjoy being able to eat every single day. Heck, having the ability to travel and visit friends during the year is a luxury I most definitely am glad to have. All of these things are possible through employment (and managing finances correctly. But this blog isn’t here to talk about that); and no matter how tired I am, it won’t stop me from doing what I have to do to support myself.
However, there are some nights where I realize that I would’ve been asleep an hour or more ago if I didn’t make myself do this on a consistent schedule. There are days where I internally shake my head at missing a few daily 100 word entries as well; and there are others where I realize that I have nothing that I want to contribute to my weekly ‘Word Vomit’ posts, challenging myself to write simply on what comes to my mind at the time (sometimes it can literally be a slightly more organized stream of consciousness that I go back and edit to make sense of).
This blog started off as a public expression of my love for the written word and wanting to contribute to it by becoming a writer and publishing my work, while still balancing the very present realities in my life. That hasn’t changed and I’m still figuring it out. But even more so, it’s morphed into a very public measuring stick of my progress at developing a writing regiment, overcoming a creative hurdle that forces me to keep a consistent schedule, and my ever growing feelings of accountability; and I take it seriously because of how badly I want to make something of a dream I’ve had since I was at least eight. I probably take it too seriously at times. I rather be up working through this mental challenge, with something posted on time tomorrow morning that I can look back at and read and be proud of.
So coming full circle back to my original question. Is it smart to ALWAYS force yourself through these writing blocks? These creative walls you sometimes end up on the wrong side of? Possibly not. Just like anything else in life, you need a break at times. Stepping back can sometimes be the best thing to do, allowing you to re-approach with a fresh perspective the next time (it definitely happened with my previous NaNoWriMo story). But I don’t feel burned out yet. But I can be smarter about when I choose to write these posts, therefore at least ensuring that I’m not fighting an uphill battle the next day simply trying to be alert and productive.
As of right now, I like keeping these two worlds separate. I look forward to getting home and figuring out new and different ways to present topics on this platform. It doesn’t get old; and at night, I love writing my different posts for the week and knowing by the next day at work that it’ll be online for anyone to see (still surprised when I receive feedback from others. Won’t ever get old). No one is forcing me to do any of this. I’m my own worse boss. But hey, I’m still trying to figure it out. Hope you stay on this journey with me.
Until next time.